


Drift Away

by Wolvesta



Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tumblr Post, Childhood Friends, Gen, Past Abuse, Steven Universe References, Teamwork, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-01-21 02:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21292118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta
Summary: “You’re getting a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The city gave me the option of transferring you to a different station...I declined.”“You won’t regret it”“You might”He did
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551724
Comments: 44
Kudos: 550





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Based off an anonymous prompt from my Tumblr:  
" After only 2 months of being with the 118 after being reinstated, Bobby transfers Buck to a different station for a while because they still don't trust him. But it turns out that the reason Buck sued was to protect them, but they didn't know. when the people from the station come to pick him up, Buck sees it's his old friends from his childhood. He bonds with them ASAP and when Bobby says he can come back, Buck doesn't know if he wants to. The 118 wants their boy back. BUDDIE Plz"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is alone... 
> 
> And as many times he or Maddie told himself/him that he wasn’t, it can’t change the way he feels 
> 
> And it can’t change the fact...he was meant to be alone...maybe forever

_ “You’re getting a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The city gave me the option of transferring you to a different station...I declined.” _

_ “You won’t regret it” _

_ “You might” _

_ He did _

{~}{~} 

2 months went by in the blink of an eye. 

He wished he could ignore the aching that he feels every day, but he has to face the truth:

He wasn't welcome back. Even though some people said hello and he sometimes talked to a few members of the 118, he didn't belong. He was always getting the chores that no one wanted to do, forcing him to do it or else they will report it to the captain. He hated doing these chores

But he took them without complaint. 

He understood, he wishes he didn't because at least he could act oblivious and pretend it didn't hurt him so much.

But it did.

But he understood that he hurt them and put them through an emotional ringer, but it was for a reason. He wanted to tell them, he needs to tell them, but they won't listen to him. He wants to make it up to Eddie, explain himself but...

_ Eddie _

Oh, how he begged, pleaded, and groveled for forgiveness when it came to Eddie. But it always fell on deaf ears. 

_ “Even you’ll never talk to me again...please let me see Christopher” Buck begged when he was on his way out at the same time as Eddie. One month of being ignored, he could handle it, but Christopher...that poor sweet boy didn’t deserve this. _

_ “I know I hurt him and you and I made so many mistakes when it came to this lawsuit and Chris and everything else... but please let me see him” Buck pleads with Eddie. _

_ Eddie was going to ignore Buck as he had been doing for the past few times, but he received a text message from his abuela. _

** _ Christopher is having a nightmare _ **

** _ He keeps screaming out for that Buck boy _ **

** _ You better _ ** ** _ traer _****_su_****_culo _****_especial _****_aquí _****_Ahora* _ **

_ Eddie sighed and told Buck he can come to see Christopher, but nothing else _

_ They haven’t spoken since... _

Buck was alone 

_ Alone...god he hated that word _

_ It was part of him _

He was alone when his parents divorced and left him with his abusive drunk father 

He was alone when Maddie left him to elope with Doug 

He was alone when he left Hershey 

When he bartended in South America 

When he passed his Navy Seals testing 

When he woke up in the hospital after the bombing 

After his pulmonary embolism 

After he lost Christopher 

He lives alone 

Eats alone 

Sleeps alone 

_ He is alone... _

And as many times he or Maddie told himself/him that he wasn’t, it can’t change the way he feels 

_ And it can’t change the fact...he was meant to be alone...maybe forever _

{~}{~} 

It was another day in the 118 station when Buck walks in with his bag slung over his shoulder, prepared to be given grueling chores for the whatever time in a row. He put his bag in his locker and changed into his uniform. He had gotten a text earlier from Bobby... 

Telling him to come to the pit the second he changes into his uniform. When Buck had read that, a wave of emotions surged through him. He was anxious, scared, happy, and terrified all at the same time. 

He went to where the trucks were and saw that Eddie, Hen, Chim, Bobby and a few nameless figures were standing. They were huddled around Bobby, some looking anxious, excited, or expressionless. 

He noted the expressions on his ‘teammates’. No one said anything for a moment, it was the others standing and staring at Buck from the other side. 

“Buck...there’s no easy way for me to say this...but you’re going to be transferred to a different station,” Bobby said slowly as Buck tuned the rest out. 

_ Transferred...he’s being transferred _

“C-can I ask why?” probably not the best thing to ask if Buck is being honest with himself. He wanted to take the words back as soon as he said them because the looks on the faces of his teammates were enough. 

“Are you seriously asking us that?” Eddie chimes in after a beat of silence. Bobby holds up a hand in Eddie’s direction, signaling him to stop and let him explain. 

“It’s only temporary, but the team took a vote and thought that it would be best if you went to a different station for a while,” Bobby said, standing tall but masking the emotions behind his eyes. 

“We can’t work with someone we don’t trust,” Eddie said after Buck hadn’t said anything. Buck only nodded, trying to keep the tears from welling up. 

“Go get a box and collect your things. Some people from the station will be here to pick you up soon” Bobby said in a dismissive tone Buck knew that there was no room to argue. He looked to the others for help, but no one would even look at him the eye. 

_ Just like he thought...he was alone _

{~}{~} 

Buck peered out of the locker room and saw the team mingling with two people he didn’t recognize. The must be the people from the station that he is going to be at. 

He took longer than necessary because he spent about 5 minutes gathering his things slowly and crying silent tears. By the time he packed what little he had from the station, he wiped his tears away and tried to get his breathing in control. 

_ I did everything just right without complaint...just as they wanted me to...was it not enough? _

_ It’s never enough... _

Buck was startled out of his thoughts when heard the captain yell 

“Buckley let's go!” Bobby yells from a distance and Buck knows that it’s time. He takes a shuddering breath to calm his nerves. No use in delaying this any longer. If they didn’t want him...then he won’t give them more ammunition that will destroy his emotions any more than they have already. 

Buck is walking towards the group carrying a box with all his possessions and the bag that he came in with slung over his shoulder. As he’s walking towards the group, he takes a closer look at the two-mystery people 

_ That looks like...no that’s impossible...it couldn’t be... _Bobby says something and Buck forces himself to listen. 

“Buck, these two are here to pick you up and take you to your station.” He looks to the two people “He’s all yours” Bobby says as he waves a dismissive hand in Buck’s direction. Buck tries to ignore the pang in his heart. 

The two people perk up when they hear this and it stops Buck in his tracks. The 118 looks at him in confusion. 

_ That hair...no one has that bright of an orange hair color...not even Abby... _

_ And that gorgeous purple curled hair...he’s never seen hair so thick...not since... _

The two people turn around and Buck feels his heart and breathing freeze. He ends up dropping the box he’s carrying and it causes everyone in the area to look at what’s going on. 

Buck covers his mouth with his two hands in shock and it manages to slightly silence a gasp. 

{~}{~} 

“Mi-Mike?! Becca?!” Buck asks as he snaps out of his daze. Buck then lets out a shocked laugh with tears running down his face. 

“Evan?” asks the one with curly hair asks in disbelief. The shock is broken when the one with the red hair smiles and makes a beeline for Buck. As he closes in on Buck, instead of giving him a hug he bends down and scoops him up by his knees and spins him around. Buck laughs as he throws his arms around the neck of the one carrying him. 

They’re both laughing happily as the guy carrying Buck spins him one last time and walks to where the rest of the group is. The second Buck was put down he was immediately embraced by both of the people. 

“Yo-you’re here?” Buck asked as he looked into the eyes of these two. “I thought I’d never see you again,” Buck says as he brings his arms around them both. He pulls back as he gets pelted with fast light kisses on his cheeks and forehead. The purple-haired woman gives one last loud kiss to Buck before she brings him in for the last hug. 

“Wa-wait! What are you doing here?!” Buck asks as nostalgia fills his eyes. 

“We’ve only been with our station for about 3 months but it’s incredible here!” 

“We did it guys...” the red-haired one lets out a laugh as a tear escapes his eye. “We did it...we’re here...we’re finally together now,” He says as he brings them in for a group hug, a mixture of laughter and happiness are the sounds coming from them. 

“What exactly is happening right now? You know these people?” The spell is broken and its Chimney who speaks. Buck looks at the 118 and sees the confusion written on their faces. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Everyone this is Mike Cooks” Buck says as the red-haired one stands straighter and waves. “and this is Rebecca Albany” 

“You can call me Becca for short,” says the purple-haired one as she flips her hair back over her shoulder 

“We were...er...have been friends since childhood. I lived at Becca’s house after...an incident and her best friend, Mike, would always come over to escape...a situation” Buck says as he looks over at the two standing next to him. Mike takes Buck’s face in between his hands and looks closer at him in the eyes. 

“You still have the same baby blue eyes Evan” Buck then blushes and nervously scratches his nose. “Hah, and you still use left thumb to brush your nose when you're nervous...god you haven’t changed a bit!” Mike says as he slightly shakes Buck’s head and releases him. Buck laughs nervously and smiles shyly at Mike. 

“Oh, I don’t know...lots of things have happened...” Buck says as he looks down at his hands. 

“Like?” Mike asks as he leans closer to Buck. Buck is about to open his mouth when he hears someone shout from behind them all: A voice belonging to someone that he doesn’t know 

“You know this is the guy that sued the city, right? He did it to get a damn job back. How can you be friends with a traitor like that?” said someone was walking out of the station. It was Campo... 

Buck tensed the second he said it. He knew this reunion would be too good to be true, and now the only ones in his corner are going to leave him, just like everyone always leaves. Buck feels the anxiety building and his breathing is beginning to get out of his control. He feels his thoughts spiraling until he’s grounded when he feels hands on his own and his face. He opens his eyes and sees Mike standing in front of him, flashing a calm smile: 

“Evan, get out of that head of yours...it’s not a safe place right now” He feels Becca squeeze his hands as Mike says this. 

_ They aren’t leaving? _

_ “ _We won’t leave you, Evan... you can’t get rid of us that easily,” Becca says. 

Buck, still not believing what they are saying is caught off guard when Hen, of all people, say: 

“You two are seriously loyal to him...” Hen’s mutters under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear. Becca and Mike snap their heads in Hen’s direction and it throws her off guard to see the annoyance, disbelief and the rage in their eyes. 

All directed at her. 

“We aren’t loyal to him; we are loyal to EACH OTHER. We’ve been through too much shit together not to be” Becca says letting go of Buck’s hands and strutting forward. 

“We trust Evan with our lives, so no matter who, what, when, where, and why he did what he did, we trust him. Because that’s what it means to be a family, and that’s what it means to be a true friend” Mike says as he puts his arms around Buck’s waist and pulling him close. 

Buck feels a weight come off of his chest at the thought of them not leaving. 

“While this has been great and amazing and nostalgic and everything we’ve ever dreamed of, Stephy is going to have our hides if we don’t get Buck to back to the station,” Becca says as she steps in between the two groups to break up the interactions. 

“Right! Right...” says Mike as he gently facepalms himself for forgetting why they were here in the first place. 

“Let me get my stuff,” Buck says as he turns around. 

“Nonsense we’ll help you! It is the least we can do after everything you’ve done for us,” says Becca as she gathers the box and begins walking off with it. Mike meanwhile picks up Buck’s bag and is stepping next to Buck. Before they walk out of the station: 

“Nice meeting you Captain Nash, and everyone else too! We should all catch drinks some time!” Becca says as she balances the box in one hand and puts out her hand for Bobby to shake. He does, and so do everyone else, though some were still confused at the whole interaction. 

Buck bids farewell to the 118 as he leaves with the two individuals, laughing along the way. 

When they get to the car: 

“Wait!” yells Mike suddenly as he puts Buck’s bag down and digs through the box in Becca’s arms. 

“What are you doing?” asks Buck as he comes to a stop. 

“Hold on...got it” Mike pulls out a screwdriver from the box. “Be right back.” Mike says as he walks back into the station. He comes back out not a minute later. 

“What did you do?” asks Buck but stops as Mike holds up a red sign that read BUCKLEY. 

“You’re going to need your locker, and we don’t want anyone to claim this one! You’re not replaceable Evan. Come on let’s go!” 

_ He not alone anymore... _

{~}{~} 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asks Hen hesitantly, looking around the room and seeing the main group of Eddie, Chim, and Bobby. 

“As much as I hate to say it...while we are glad that Buck is back with us, we can’t be worrying about his safety. And even though he trusts us and we trust him, it’ll be hard not watching his every move on his first call,” says Bobby in a tired voice. 

“But are you sure transferring him, even if it’s for a month or two is the best course of action? We’ve basically been ignoring him for two months and now he’s going to be transferred...how do you think he’s going to take that?” asks Hen again, desperately hoping that they aren’t going to go through with this plan. 

“I know he’ll be pissed at us, but maybe the month away from us will let him cool down...and meanwhile we can try to fully come to terms on what he did, and maybe understand,” Bobby says with a voice of finality. 

“I just hope we’re making the right choice,” says Chim looking up and walking away from the group. He should tell Maddie...but he can’t handle her disappointing eyes right now, not with everything else that is going on. 

_ Even if we aren’t, he will finally know how we felt when he left us _

{~}{~} 

_ “Buck...there’s no easy way for me to say this...but you’re going to be transferred to a different station” _

Eddie regretted ever thinking what he thought the moment he saw Buck trying, almost failing to keep his emotions at bay. He felt a wave of emotions when he saw the tears welling up in his eyes. But he pushed the feelings back down in order not to feel, Buck didn’t deserve his feelings. 

Not after everything he put Christopher through 

_ But he came to Abuela's house and helped Christopher sleep through the night for the first time in a long time _

He ignored his voice of reason; he’s overwhelmed by anger at Buck for basically abandoning his son 

_ And him... _

He gets startled out of his thoughts when he sees two strangers come into the station, looking for Bobby. They say they’re coming from the 99th station to pick up the recruit. Eddie wonders how Buck will fare with this new station. 

Bobby then calls for Buck to hurry up. Eddie can see Buck peering out from the locker room 

_ Was he crying? _

As they see Buck come around the corner, Eddie can see how hard Buck is trying to contain his emotions. 

_ And it hurts to know that he is one of the reasons why _

Eddie becomes confused when sees Buck stop in his tracks and drop the box full of his things. He sees something pass through Bucks's eyes before he’s crying. 

_ Why is he crying? Is Buck so devastated about leaving us...it’s only temporary...maybe this isn’t a good idea...maybe _

These thoughts are interrupted when the one with the red hair runs to Buck and scoops him up and spins him. Eddie then felt a pang of...something when Buck didn’t push him away, he felt the pang worsen when Buck wrapped his arms and legs around the mystery man’s body. Laughing 

It isn’t a lost thought when Eddie realizes that this is the first time, he’s heard Buck’s laugh in a long time. 

_ Since the tsunami _

_ “ _We did it guys...we’re finally together now...” Eddie wonders what they mean, even an idiot can see these three are close...really close. Eddie had questions but it was Chim that spoke first. Asking what was happening. 

_ Yea...what is happening? _

_ Mike and _ _ Becca _ _ ...easy to remember _

They’ve been friends since childhood. That’s news. 

_ Now that he thinks about it...Buck never talked about his _ _ childhood _ _ ...like ever. Just this year he found out he had a sister _

“I lived at Becca’s house after...an incident and her best friend, Mike, would always come over to escape...a situation” Eddie gets a bad feeling in his chest that he can’t explain. Did something happen to Buck in his childhood tha- Eddie's thoughts are interrupted when he sees Mike putting Buck’s head in between his hands and it was then he understood the continuous panging in his chest 

_ Jealousy _

But that’s impossible, Eddie has no reason to be jealous 

_ You’re jealous because you aren’t the one who does that... _

Eddie shook the thoughts away when he heard the comment of Buck’s eyes...yea they were a beautiful shade of blue. 

_ It’s not like you are fascinated with them...or are you? _

Eddie never noticed how Buck brushed his thumb across his nose...god had he always done that? 

Eddie secretly cringed when Campo outed Buck on his lawsuit. He was waiting to see the reactions of the ones next to Buck but was thrown for a loop when he heard Mike say to get out of his head...had Buck been on the verge of a panic attack? 

_ How out of tune was he with Buck? _

And Hen’s comment didn’t put Eddie's mind at ease. What the fuck had they gone through? By the time he was brought back to reality, he saw that Buck and the others were gone. He hadn’t remembered shaking her hand, agreeing to go out for drinks... 

Eddie didn’t know what else to expect but then Mike walked in with a screwdriver and began prying off Buck’s name tag. 

“What are you doing with that?” asked Eddie stepping forward to stop this guy, but the sign came off with a firm _ click _ noise. 

“Evan is going to need his locker. He’s one of us now and we sure as hell are going to make him feel welcomed” Mike said as he waved around the sign. 

_ This is going to be one hell of a month _

{~}{~} 

It was two days later that the team minus Buck, gathered in the kitchen area to have some breakfast. They all arrived around 9:00 and Bobby had invited Athena over to the station for breakfast. A big part of him wanted to invite Buck, but he still saw his team on edge about him. But one person he did invite was Athena. She didn’t start until later and had happily accepted the invitation. 

“Well ain’t that a bitch...” Athena said as she clicked her tongue, walking into the 118 station early one morning to have breakfast with the team. She’s scrolling through some documents in on a phone. A professionally dressed woman is trailing behind her, holding a briefcase and what looks to be a box. Athena hands back the phone. 

“Everyone this is my friend Saleha, she’s a DA, is Buck here? She needs to talk to him.” 

“He’s not here. He’s at a different station, temporarily at least” Bobby says as he finishes plating a ham and cheese omelet for Hen and spoons bacon on Eddie’s plate. He looks away from Athena when she fixes him a knowing look. 

“Oh, he’s not here? I’ll find him somewhere else then” Before she could leave Bobby told her to stay for some food. 

“I can't believe you two did it...wow” Athena breathes out a sigh of disbelief as she walks to the island where her plate of food is. She gives Bobby a quick kiss and squeezes his wrist, 

“Thanks, hun,” she says as she and Saleha take a seat. 

“What happened ‘Thena? You look off.” asks Hen as they take a seat next to her. 

“Well Saleha is She used to be a detective but now she’s a prosecutor. She told me a while ago that she and someone were working together to bring down some crooked lawyer...I just never thought that...” she snorts lowly “what a small world...” Athena says as she spoons her food. “I knew Buck was up to something. Just wish you could have told me...” 

“We had to keep it under wraps for the information not to get out and blow the months of work we have piled up” 

“Wait...what are you talking about? What does this have to do with Buck?” Bobby asks, standing next to the table where they are at. Eddie slightly tensing at the name Buck. It had been a sore spot ever since he and the lawyer revealed information about them that was supposed to stay between the team. 

“Evan and I were secretly working together to bring down that lawyer that Buck had to take. He was practicing law without a license; he was running an illegal sting operation to gather intel and swindled people out of their settlements.” 

“What do you mean sting operations?” asks Chim 

“He would use some dirty cops, they were all arrested by the way, for their power in the police records to gather secret information on the people his clients were suing. Evan told me about how the ex-lawyer knew information about your personal lives that he didn’t disclose. I told him not to disclose any information about you all to see what the lawyer said...I had Buck record the session with all of you to get evidence. Sorry about that by the way, I didn’t know he would dig that deep into your personal lives, but the good news is we got him” Saleha finished as she drank her remaining coffee 

“Sal I think you need to start from the beginning,” Athena says as she sees the looks of confusion on everyone’s face. 

“So, Buck and I have been...pretty decent friends since last year, and the day of the fire drill he told me that a shady looking lawyer approached people and him about suing the building and city for money. When I took a look at the business card, I knew this wasn’t an opportunity that I could wait. I asked for his help as well as help from some officers I knew I could trust. I told him straight from the get-go that in order to help me with this case, he had to ‘sue’, note the air quotes, the city for his job back. He said he needed a day to think about it but later that night he told me that his captain is the reason he doesn’t have his job back yet, by the way super fucked up thing to do and say. After one cheap beer and one helluva crying session later, we talked about the potential case and I said, jokingly by the way, that this would be the perfect opportunity to set the case into motion if Buck presented a fake lawsuit of suing the city to get his job back because what that lawyer was doing to people was unconstitutional and...he agreed. I didn’t think he’d do it but he agreed. And I didn’t think he’d get his job back, but he’s back...win-win for everyone...’cept for that lawyer. Good thing too, he was planning to go after you all” 

Sal finished explaining the story as she poured herself a glass of orange juice and was confused when everyone erupted with questions, Athena managed to calm everyone. 

“What do you mean to come after us?” asked Eddie, speaking up for the first time since Saleha came in. 

“You’re Henrietta Wilson, right?” Sal asks as she looks to Hen, getting a confirming nod. “We found records indicating that the lawyer was planning on digging up dirt on you and your wife so you two could lose your son. If he couldn’t find anything, then the cops would plant evidence and forge your records to make you look bad. And Eddie Diaz? He was planning on seeing you as an unfit parent so you could be arrested and lose custody of your son. For Bobby, he was planning on outing you and your past to the public. Athena, he wanted to paint you like a dirty cop and an irresponsible mother because of what happened to your daughter. And Chimney...we still can’t find anything of you in his records...maybe he didn’t get to you yet” Sal said as looked into her briefcase and handed out copies of the records to the respective people. 

“Why would this sick bastard do this?” asked Hen, paling at the fact that she could have lost her son and wife. The rest weren’t going so well either. 

_ How did this _ _ pedazo _ _ de _ _ mierda _ _ know about the fighting ring...and how dare he try to take his son away _

“He is still being fully investigated but I personally think it’s cause Buck turned down the settlement money. 7 million dollars...can you believe it? The biggest settlement in the history of LA, and he turned it down all because he wanted his job back. I mean I know it was a fake lawsuit but still...I would have taken it and ran off to Barbados” 

“Wait...7 million dollars? Was it really that much?” Eddie asked in disbelief, desperately hoping that he wasn’t wrong. That he and the team didn’t make a huge mistake. 

“We couldn’t tell the city about our plans because we didn’t know who to trust, so they believed it was a real lawsuit, and if huge IF Buck had actually taken the money...well he certainly wouldn’t be here right now. You all are seriously lucky to have such a loyal friend like him. They’re so hard to find in this day and age” Saleha said as she downed the last of her orange juice. 

“Look I have to get going, I have a hearing soon but thank you so much for having me and allowing me to explain on his behalf. And if you see him can you give him this box of cannolis, please? Or you can take them since he’s not here. I’ll just get him some more when I see him. If you have any more questions feel free to call me” Saleha said as she exited the station. 

No one had said anything for a long while. The same thoughts had been running through their heads. Had Buck done all of this...for them? He went through the wringer just to protect them from suffering more than they had, and look at how they treated him. 

They abandoned him and kicked him to the curb, only because of a supposed betrayal. And now they can’t even apologize, he’s not here right now. 

“What have we done?” whispered Eddie as he struggled to stand. The force of what he had been doing to his friend coming back in full force. Ignoring him, denying him, brushing him off when he wanted to help with his son, cutting him out of his life. 

_ His heart _

_ “ _We fucked up,” Hen said, voice thick with tears. 

_ I’m so sorry little bro. _ _ ..I’m _ _ so sorry _

_ What am I going to tell Maddie? S _he knows what’s happening at the station, the tension, and transfer, but this? 

Bobby felt like he needed a drink, but he shook those thoughts away, remembering that Buck was the one that helped him when he was going through a difficult time. 

“We need to make this right,” says Bobby with his Captain's voice. They agreed that they needed to apologize to Buck and make this right... 

_ ...But how? _

* * *

Based off of this [Prompt](https://wolvesta20.tumblr.com/post/188781701033/prompt-after-only-2-months-of-being-with-the-118)

Feel free to comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bring his special ass here right now


	2. Pasts

A week barely went by since the news, and it wasn’t lost that there was some serious tension in the 118 on a particular day. They have tried time and time again to get a hold of Buck, but he’s either working, with his friends or at home, not wanting to talk to them. Eddie tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail. 

Except for when he needed Buck for Christopher, then he would respond ASAP. 

“Anyone else have a bad feeling about today?” asks Chim attempting to break the tension surrounding the group like a cloud that won’t go away. 

“It’s not a bad feeling, it just feels like something is going to happen today,” says Hen in return. Bobby was about to say something when the siren went off. 

ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS OF THE 118 AND SURROUNDING STATIONS, WE NEED ALL HANDS-ON DECK. I REPEAT, WE NEED ALL HANDS-ON DECK! 

All first responders rallied together and piled as much of their supplies in the short span of time they had. Within one minute, they were on their way to the call. 

There are reports of a 10-story building being on fire. 

“Be careful everyone, 75% of the building is on fire and it has been cleared out by other first responders. We do what we can where we can” Bobby says from the front 

{~}{~} 

The team is shocked to see Buck at the scene. Bobby doesn’t know why he does, but he asks: 

“What are you doing here?” 

“They said all hands-on deck,” Buck said in a sarcastic tone. The team pales when they hear Buck’s clipped tone at them. 

Eddie is taken aback to see the distance in Buck’s eyes. 

They have an apology ready at their tongue but then: 

“Buckley! Albany! You two make sure to keep people back and begin putting out the fire with the hose. Cooks watch their backs and help in any way you can!” are the words that are barked out by the captain of the 99th station. The three rush out to do as they’re told. 

“I’m assuming your Captain Robert Nash?” 

“Yes, Bobby” replies as he shakes the other one’s hand 

“I’m Stephania Santana but you can call me Stephy. I just wanted to say thank you so much for lending us your boy Buck. He’s been a real help on and off the field. And he’s such a team player. I’m glad Cooks and Albany got his back. I know he has theirs” 

“Yea...he’s reliable that way,” Bobby says hesitantly, wishing desperately that Buck was back with them. 

“You know we might keep him,” Stephy says laughing at the end, indicating it was a joke, but for some reason, it bothered Bobby to no end that another station will get to keep Buck. He belonged with the 118, his family...Before Bobby can respond, Buck yells out: 

“There’s someone up there!” Buck yells as he points to someone sticking their head out one of the windows...is that a kid? 

Buck springs into action, he orders Becca to position the truck as close as possible to the window and extend the ladder as long as possible. Buck begins climbing the ladder with Mike right behind him. Buck is able to reach the kid’s window. 

“You need to jump to me sweetie I can’t reach you” 

“I’m scared!” screams the little girl, looks about ten. 

“I know you are but you need to jump. It’s not too far and I promise I’ll catch you” with a burst of encouragement, the little girl stands on the ledge of the window and jumps as far as she can. Buck catches her instantly and secured her. 

“You did great sweetie. I’m going to hand you off to someone else so they can take care of you ok?” Buck hands the little girl off to Mike and he hands her off to Hen and Chim waiting at the foot of the truck. 

“Mike! Buck! You did well now come down so we can finish putting out the fire” calls out Stephy. Mike is making his way down when they both hear a creaking noise. Suddenly the ladder breaks in half and it sends Buck off the edge of the ladder. He screams as he knows he’s about to fall almost 100ft to the unforgiving ground...again. 

That is until he feels someone grab his hand. 

“I gotcha Evan!” yells Mike as he grabs Buck’s hands with his own. Mike’s lower half of his body is on the ladder while his arms are over the edge, grabbing Buck’s arms and hands. 

“Thanks, Mike! But just let go! It’s not that far a drop!” Buck says as he dangles off the edge, unable to reach the ladder with his other hand. 

“I won’t have you messing up your leg again...you’ve worked too hard!” Mike says with an effort as he feels Buck slipping from his grip. “Becca catch him!” Mike yells as Buck falls from his grip completely. Becca is there, barely placing an air mattress on the floor as Buck lands in it. He’s pulled out instantly by Becca and Mike. They give him a fast once over and resume their work. 

Once the fire has been completely put out, the first responders check on the civilians and their own. 

{~}{~} 

The 118 swore they felt their hearts stop when they saw Buck fall off the ladder. Eddie wanted nothing more than to run over and catch him, but he was too far away. 

All of them were. There was some relief when he saw Mike catch him but he felt his heart in his throat as Buck slipped from his grip. 

Oh god, he was going to be killed...he was going to die, he was going to die, he- 

The mantra gets cut off when Becca places a giant airbag to catch Buck, and Eddie felt like collapsing. The only thing stopping him from running over to the cite was Bobby’s hand on his shoulder, telling him to get back to work. 

He swallowed his emotions and continued on 

_They do make a great team _

{~}{~} 

Eddie is holding the phone in his shaking hands. This probably isn’t a good idea, considering how late it is and how exhausted he was. But his fingers flew across the screen without his consent. Before he could stop, he sent a message: 

**Eddie:** Hey Buck. You up? 

**Buck:** Yea what’s up? 

**Eddie: Just checking** in on you. You ok after that fall? 

**Buck:** I didn’t technically fall, but yes, I’m good. Becca and Mike took me back to their apartment and patched me up 

**Eddie: ** Patched you up? Were you hurt? 

**Buck:** I got one nasty bump on my forehead from hitting my head against the steel, but I don’t have a concussion. Also, I may have pulled a muscle in my shoulder. Nothing to worry about. Why? 

**Eddie:** Just checking in...actually Christopher saw the news and wanted to make sure you’re ok. He kind of wants to see you 

**Buck:** I’m on my way 

**Eddie:** It’s like 10:30 at night rn 

**Buck:** I’m on my fuckin way 

Buck gets there in 15 minutes and can calm Chris down and constantly reassures him that he’s ok. Chris falls asleep on Buck and Buck quickly follows him into a deep sleep. Eddie ends up taking a picture of them to save for himself, he hopes that he can explain himself in the morning. Maybe Buck can at least talk to him. 

When he wakes, Buck is gone and all evidence of him being there at all is still steaming pancakes on the kitchen counter. 

{~}{~} 

Bobby and Athena invite the team over to their house for a late wedding reception later that week. Athena insisted that he invite Buck over. He’s still part of the family they’ve created. 

_At least Bobby hopes Buck is still is, after everything... _

Bobby remembers going to 099 station and asking a member if Buck or Stephy was there. They led him to where the commons area was and Bobby saw something that left a pang of longing in his heart. Stephy and a few others were sitting at the table while Mike, Becca, and Buck were talking, laughing, and cooking. 

They were cooking together 

Bobby can’t tell what he is cooking from this angle, but he can smell it and it makes his mouth water. Bobby approaches the kitchen and Buck notices his presence, but instead of saying something, he turns his back to him and continues his task. 

Buck takes a deep breath in and out before turning back to face his former captain. 

“Hey Bobby” it hurts Bobby when he calls him by his name, it shouldn’t but he knows why 

He’s used to this kid calling him Cap 

“We’re cooking the 99 some food, do you want some?” Buck asks but hoping he doesn’t have to stay, he can’t face his former captain right now. 

“No thanks I have a shift in 30 minutes, but...can I talk to you for a sec?” Bobby asks hoping that he’ll say yes. Buck reluctantly nods yes. He gives Mike and Becca instructions to let the sauce simmer for 5 more minutes before adding it to the quinoa. 

“What’s up Bobby?” asks Buck getting straight to the point. 

“Athena and I are having a late wedding reception at our house and just wanted to know if you want to come?” Bobby asks, trying to bury the hope that’s rising in his system, Buck can still say no. And even though Bobby will understand, it will hurt. 

“Um...are you sure you want me there?” Buck says after a long while of thinking it over. He wants to be with the 118, even if it is for a small get together, but he still has doubts. 

“Of course, we want you there, everyone does and so does Athena.” 

“Bobby, I don’t know-” 

“Christopher is going to be there! And he wants you to be there too” Buck narrows his eyes slightly at Bobby, that’s playing dirty because Bobby knows that Buck won’t say no when it comes to Christopher, but instead of calling it out, Buck sighs: 

“Ok fine, I’ll come. Under one condition” 

“Anything” 

“Mike and Becca are coming too,” Buck says with a voice of finality, leaving no room to argue. And as much as Bobby doesn’t want them to come, he wants to be a little selfish and have Buck all to themselves. 

So they can apologize and hopefully earn his trust again... 

But Bobby relents and says that it’s perfectly fine if they come too. Buck seems satisfied with the answer. 

“Buck listen...I'm sorry about-” Bobby gets cut off when Buck waves his hand in the same dismissive hand that was shown to him not even a week ago 

“I’ll see you at the party Bobby,” Buck says as he goes back to the kitchen where Mike and Becca are serving people, Buck steps in to help. 

Bobby leaves the station, stopping only briefly to see the banner that was placed upon the entrance of the station. He knew they should have put up a sign 

WELCOME TO THE 99 EVAN BUCKLEY ♡ 

They were treating him better in the first week than the 118 had in 2 months 

_And it hurt knowing that they had no one to blame but themselves _

{~}{~} 

It was the night of the party and Buck’s anxiety would climb the closer they got to the house. 

“Talk to us Evan...what’s going on in that head of yours?” Becca pulled him out of his thoughts 

“My anxiety is acting up, the last few times I’ve been here, something bad as always happened to me. Last time I was here, Bobby told me he was the reason I wasn’t going back to work, then everything just went downhill from there...” Buck explains to them. 

“Don’t worry hun, Mike and I will be right next to you the whole time.” 

“You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here for you” Buck took a deep breath a prepared himself for what was on the other side of the door. 

Buck knocked on the door and waited for it to be opened. Athena opened the door and smiled instantly when she saw who was on the other side. 

“Hey, Buck! Welcome” Athena said as Buck wrapped his arms around her in a hug, she happily returned it. He introduced his friends to Athena and she welcomed them with literal open arms. 

“Thank you so much for having us here in your home,” Becca says taking a small bow. 

“Oh, none of that Hunny, any friend of Buck’s is an automatic friend of mine” Athena winked as she stepped out of the way to let them in. As Buck and company walked into the house, he was immediately engulfed in a small hug by Christopher, Buck immediately gripped and bent down to pick him up. 

“Hey, buddy! How you been superman?” Buck asks giving Chris a tight hug and kissing him on the cheek. Christopher immediately smiled and laughed 

“Look at my new haircut!” Christopher said as he pointed to his head. 

“I love it! Aw, man, you look like a million bucks” Buck says as he affectionately ruffles his hair as Christopher laughs, he then looks at the two new faces and buries his head in Buck’s shoulder. 

“New friends?” asks Christopher in a shy whisper 

“Yes. Christopher this is Becca and Mike. Guys this is Christopher” 

“Nice to meet you, Christopher,” Becca says as she extends a hand, Christopher smiles and wobbly shakes it. Same thing with Mike. 

“They’ve been my best friends since I was just a little older than you bud” Buck, still carrying Christopher, they make their way into the main dining room area where everyone else is. Buck feels his breath hitch when he sees everyone’s eyes on him. He’s always hated so many eyes on him at once. Before he could say anything, he felt Becca and Mike squeeze both sides of his shoulders. They step in front of him, effectively blocking everyone’s view from Buck. 

“Thank you so much for having us! We’ve never been to a wedding reception so we thought about bringing wine but Evan said there would be kids here so we brought a whole lot of these” Mike opens the bag over his shoulder and pulls out various flavors of alcohol-free sparkling juice. 

“Dibs on the white grape!” “Back off it’s mine!” Yells Denny and Harry running into the room and taking the bottle off of the countertop. 

“Not too many kids!” Athena yells after them. May then pokes her head around the corner 

“Uncle Buck we’re playing Mario Kart! Come play with us!” May says as she waves her hand, beckoning him to the TV room. Harry and Denny stop fighting for the bottle and begin begging Buck to play Wii with them. 

“Move, let me show you how it’s done,” Buck says as he places Christopher on the couch and taking a remote. 

Later in the middle of playing, they hear the announcement of dinner being served. Buck takes a seat and somehow ends up next to Eddie even when Buck wanted to sit in between his two friends, but on his other side is Christopher so it’s not too bad. Especially when Becca and Mike are across from him. 

Dinner was fantastic as usual. Everyone talked and laughed like nothing was wrong, but they still needed to talk. But at least they could pretend everything was ok. 

_At least for now... _

_He felt Eddie’s gaze on him throughout the evening. _

{~}{~} 

Eddie had arrived with Christopher to the party about 30 minutes before Buck was due to arrive. He pointed Christopher to where the other kids were and made his way to where everyone else was. 

“Hey Cap hey Athena, thanks for having us and congrats again,” Eddie says as he gives them both a hug. 

“Thanks, Ed. Glad to have you here” Bobby said as he took the small wrapped gift box and place it to the side. He greets everyone else: Hen, Karen, Chim, Maddie, even Saleha was there. 

“Where’s Buck? Is he coming?” asked Eddie seeing that he is still not in the group. Athena takes over the cooking as Bobby steps away to talk to everyone else, who has joined the conversation after hearing the name, Buck. 

“Yea he said they’ll be here so-” Bobby is interrupted by Eddie 

“They? Those two other ones are coming too?” 

“Buck made it clear if they can’t come then he sees no point in coming. I guess he doesn’t want to be with us by himself just yet...” 

It hurt knowing that the only reason Buck is weary of them is because of their faults. 

“Wait, who else is coming?” Maddie asks. When she heard about what Buck did for them after what the 118 did to him, she had to physically restrain herself from running to his house right then and there or slapping Chimney. She did neither, instead, she later went to his house after work and they talked. 

_“It’s not fair what they did to you...it isn’t fair” _

_“I did everything they asked of me. I never complained...not once...but it wasn’t enough was it?” Maddie instantly brought Buck into a hug. _

_“Evan, it was more than enough but it was their mistake. Not yours, it was never yours. Chim is telling me that they want to talk to you and apologize. You should at least give them a chance to explain themselves...but only if you want to. There’s no pressure at all.” Maddie was the one who looked out for him when he was a kid, and even now she is. So if she thinks he should... _

_“Ok, maybe I will, just not now. It’s too soon” _

_“I understand bro. So tell me about your new station. Are they nice to you?” _

“ Two friends from his new station are coming. Apparently, they’ve been his friends since he was a kid” 

“Wait that’s impossible...Evan didn’t have any friends when he was a kid. What are their names?” 

“Rebecca and Mike” 

“I’ve never met them...hell I’ve never even heard of them,” Maddie said as she shook her head in confusion. This statement sends a jolt of confusion through everyone. If Maddie had never heard of them, then either Buck is lying about being childhood friends or.. 

“He must be pretending to be friends with them in order to get back as us for treating him so badly” Hen voices, not realizing that she said it out loud, sending everyone into even more confusion. If they aren’t friends, then... 

_Maybe I still have a chance, to make this right and tell him how I feel _

But what if he doesn’t feel the same for you? What if he hates you because of what you said and he’ll never want to be near you or Christopher again? 

The self-doubts were coming back in full force. Stinging his heart with every question. Eddie is pulled out of his reverie when he hears a knock at the door. Athena goes to answer and Eddie’s heartthrobs when he sees Mike and Becca holding Buck’s hand. They let go to shake Athena’s hand and they enter. He tried not to let his eyes linger on them too long. 

But he sees his son run over, well...as best as he can, to the door when he hears Buck’s voice. He’s immediately enveloped in a hug by Buck who loves his new haircut. Eddie smiles seeing the way Buck interacts with his son. 

A selfish part of him wishes that he could lock time at this moment and live in it forever. Seeing his two-favorite people in the world getting along, loving each other just the way they are. The moment is lost when Buck is introducing his son to his friends, and even though he is shy at first, he still smiles at them. He sees them enter the house and Eddie can see the panic on Buck’s face when he comes down from the stairs. The look makes him want to wrap him in a blanket and never let him go. 

_But he can’t _

He lost the right to even be his friend and he needs to earn it back 

He feels a mixture of jealousy and sadness when he sees Mike squeeze Buck’s shoulder. The act itself isn’t what bothers Eddie, it’s the reaction of Buck being instantly relaxed at the simple gesture. 

_Are they...together? Am I too late? _

He saw how they stepped in front of Buck to shield him from the prying eyes and felt a surge of pride at the thought of someone being in his corner. Even if it wasn’t the 118, he’s still glad that someone is with him. 

They tell the people at the party that they brought non-alcoholic drinks to the party because Buck said there would be kids at the party is just another thing to add to the list of good things that Buck has done for them. He smiles when hears Denny and Harry fighting over the juice and when Buck plays Mario Kart with Christopher until dinner is ready. 

He ends up sitting next to Buck during the dinner, and as much as he wants to talk to him, to say he’s sorry, to say he made a terrible mistake, to say that he doesn't hate him and all he wants to do is love him and never let him go. But he can’t 

_Instead, he just watches him _

{~}{~} 

About 30 minutes later, Athena and Bobby send the kids to play with beanbags and the new swing set Bobby and Michael installed a week earlier. The adults were gathered around the dining room area. Buck, Mike, and Becca were off to the side talking together. The 118 looks at them, wishing that they were in their mix. They go back to their conversation but it’s interrupted by Buck’s coughing. 

They look at him in concern and it takes everything that they have not to run over to Buck to make sure he’s ok. Maddie rushed over to Buck but freezes, unsure what to do and how to help. Buck’s coughing doesn’t stop for what seems like hours, but when he finally stops: 

“I’m ok” his voice is thick from coughing so much. “I’m fine, I drank something and it went the wrong way.” Buck clears his voice as Eddie hesitantly walks up to him. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Eddie asks, wanting to place his hands somewhere, anywhere to ground himself, to know that Buck is still here and this isn’t another pulmonary embolism. 

“Eddie...guys I swear I’m ok. I just drank something terrible...” Buck says as he looks him in the eyes, he tears his eyes away from Eddie to look at Mike and Becca. 

And it kills him not to have those beautiful eyes watch him. 

“ Seriously, what in the hell is this drink? This is terrible!” Buck says as he starts laughing. Becca says: 

“It’s Jeppson's Malört. The most disgusting alcohol on the face of the Earth, and you just tried it...again” 

“Ugh! It tastes like the water from the bottom of a garbage can...this is disgusting!” Buck smiles as he down some water that was on the counter 

“Buck...are you sure you’re ok?” Eddie asks, hesitantly putting his hands-on Bucks shoulders. He regrets it immediately when he feels Buck tense slightly beneath them, but Buck plasters on a smile. 

“I swear I’m ok,” Buck says 

“I haven’t seen you fall for that since back home,” Mike says laughing. “W-we used to pull this shit on each other all the time. H-he used to sneak out of the house just to come to hang out with us and we acted like idiots” 

“We are idiots!” Buck said to both of them 

“Wait-sneak out of the house? Buck you never snuck out of the house and...who exactly are these two? You introduced us to them as your childhood friends but Evan I’ve never met them before in my life...” Maddie says, finally speaking up after Buck’s coughing fit. Eddie sees the way Buck instantly tenses when Maddie says this. Buck takes a deep breath and speaks 

“Ok..I-I was hoping to avoid this...but if you must know, I’ll tell you,” Buck says as he feels his body shaking in anxiety. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. 

“I met Rebecca when I was about 10 years old. I was on my way home from school when I saw some bullies picking on her. I told them to leave her alone and afterward, I went to her house, that’s where I meet Mike. I spent the night with them and we’ve been close ever since.” 

“10? But Buck...I told you not never to spend the nights away from home because-” Maddie trails off, not wanting to stir up old memories. 

“Because of dad? Is that what you were going to say? What was I supposed to do? Stay and let him beat the shit out of me? Or be in a stranger’s house while he slept off the alcohol? He didn’t even notice I was gone until I snuck back in while he was still sleeping and I got ready for school and they met me outside. We walked to school together and we stayed together” 

“I would have been there to protect you, Ev-” Maddie gets interrupted 

“You left me!” Buck almost screamed, the emotional dam finally bursting as a tear made its way down his face. “You left me when you went marry Doug because you thought he could help you escape our shitty childhoods and when I told you he was bad news; you didn’t listen to me and you said that-that I was too young and too naïve to know what real love is.” Buck stutters, wrapping his arms around his middle in a form of self-protection, he stumbled backward into a chair that Becca had pushed him towards and Mike had sat him down gently. Mike had one arm wrapped around Buck’s front shoulders while Becca did the same thing on the opposite. Both hands meeting in near his chest and Buck’s hands fly up to meet theirs to ground himself. 

“I don’t blame you for taking all of Doug’s shit. I, in no way, shape, or form blame you for any of the shit you went through...but I resent you because you got out and even though you jumped into a bad situation...I had to deal with what you left behind. With you gone, dad took all his anger and resentment on me, if it wasn’t physical, it was emotional and mental. Always telling me I was the reason mom died, the reason why you left was because of me. I didn’t believe it at first but he said it so many times I believed it. I still have the scar from when he hit me with his gin bottle” He points to his ‘birthmark’. 

“I had no one...and that’s when I started hanging around them more. I would go to Becca’s house because her parents were so nice and welcoming. They always took care of me when dad got too violent. Her mom was a nurse and would always patch me up. Her dad was a chef and would always make me dinner since our dad was too drunk to do anything besides making me feel like shit.” Buck trails off, tears streaming down his face as he feels himself getting lost in the bad memories, but he feels himself come back to the present when he feels the hands on his shoulders squeeze and tighten on him. 

“Mike would come over to escape his overbearing mother all the time, and when my dad made us food, he would stay over and we would stay up and talk about life, and we just grew closer. Before we knew it, we were all we had. My mom passed away from ovarian cancer and my dad lost his battle with depression...I was 18 at the time and he left me the house” 

“My mom left me after she relapsed on heroin. Her new boyfriend took her to Chicago...haven’t heard from her in over 15 years...” supplied Mike sullenly. 

“Dad kicked me out of the house when he found out I was bi and we ended up living in Becca’s house since she was the only one who was 18 at the time, and while she was the one who legally owned the house, we all took jobs to support ourselves. We raised enough money to take a vacation at Surf Beach where I learned to bartend. Before we went home, Becca found out that the city foreclosed the house because of some legal bullshit. So, we were stuck there for a while and to make payments for the motel, we were staying at I had to take bartending jobs and every single tip I ever got went to pay for where we were staying. We caught a break and we were able to go to LA where I joined the Navy Seals but ended up dropping out because of my stupid emotions. We made it into the academy together, but then we lost touch after the tsunami because we lost our phones and the lines were shit.” Mike and Becca supply their nods in confirmation. 

“AND THAT is how we ended up here,” Buck says making a vague gesture with his hands. 

_Silence resonated through the house, the only sounds coming from the kids outside._

* * *

Based on a [prompt](https://wolvesta20.tumblr.com/post/188781701033/drift-away-chapter-1-wolvesta-9-1-1-tv) on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wolvesta20)! 

Thanks for reading! Sorry it took so long to update, next chapter will be final! Feel free to comment!

FYI: Here is what I imagine [Becca](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/451626668865224345/) and [Mike](https://jellyfishfaces.tumblr.com/post/95282309801/thomas-james-mcdade-hair-ginger-eyes-hazel) looking like.


	3. Time

Buck was startled awake by pounding on his door. He looks around and he sees that he is in his apartment, he thinks he imagined the knocking and as he lays back down, he hears it again, but more frantic. He goes to answer the door, wanting who in the hell is knocking at his door nearing dawn. He opens the door and is startled when he sees Maddie.

“Oh thank god…” Buck hears her say quietly.

“Maddie?” Buck tilts his head in curiosity. Not knowing why she’s there, they hadn’t spoken since the night of the party, and that was about a month ago.

“I-I just had to see you…” Maddie says as her shoulders slump. Buck can see she is holding some tension and he moves to the side to let her in. She slowly steps in and takes a seat in the kitchen.

“Want some tea or something?” Buck asks and Maddie shakes her head no.

“I…I just needed to see you. I-“ Maddie sighs as she tries to compose herself.

“Maddie, what’s up?” Buck asks in a concerned voice, protectiveness surging through him. He’s always hated seeing his sister cry.

“I-I just got off a shift and I had a bad call. It was a kid, about 14…h-his friends called because he wanted to jump…and he did. I-it just reminded me of you so much and all I wanted to do was find you, and then I remembered that we weren’t speaking but all I wanted to do was see you and-” Maddie is cut off when she feels Buck gently pull her into his chest for a hug. She breaks as she wraps her arms around Buck and squeezes him as tight as she can.

“I’m sorry Maddie...I had to get my head on straight before I wanted to talk to you...but then I was afraid to face you because I thought you hated me…” Buck says laying his chin on top of her head.

“Buck what in the world would make me hate my favorite little brother? If anyone should be saying they’re sorry, it should be me...because you were right. I did abandon you...I left you with dad. I never tried to reach out before everything got bad with Doug. And I should have...I should have been a better sister. But the past is what it is and I can’t change it. But I hope we can move forward...let me earn the right to be called your big sister”

“Maddie…” She feels wetness on the top of her head and knows that Buck is crying too. She holds him tighter as she sits him by the couch.

“I love you, Buck. You’re my little brother and I failed you. But I promise I’ll be right by your side no matter what...I can’t lose you...you’re all I’ve got…” Maddie says and Buck feels himself break at this. He wraps his arms tighter around her and cries into her shoulder. She runs her fingers through his hair like she used to do when he was a kid. “It’s ok...I’m here now…” Maddie says with the silent promise of not letting go. Buck sniffs and pulls away from her slightly.

“I’m also sorry for insulting your friends as I did. I’m honestly so glad you have them, you probably wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for them. I should be thanking them...I just hope they don’t hate me” Maddie says honestly and Buck shakes his head.

“They don’t hate you, they know about your situation and they don’t blame you...just like I don’t. Besides, if they’re mad at anyone, it’s everyone else.” Buck says as he looks to the side.

“As well as they should be. They had no right to treat you that way...Chimney told me the real reason you sued. I’m so proud of you Buck. I know that could not have been easy, and they should have given you a chance to explain.” Buck says nothing as his morning alarm goes off, indicating that he has to get ready for his shift.

“Listen, Maddie, I have to get ready for work but-” Maddie cuts him off by smiling.

“Don’t worry Buck, we can talk later. Saturday for breakfast?” Maddie asks a hopeful smile on her face and Buck returns it.

“Definitely”

{~}{~}

“You look happier today Buck, something happen?” asks Stephie as he enters his station.

“I think my sister and I are going to be just ok,” Buck says smiling.

“Good, I’m glad”

{~}{~}

Karen had texted Buck to see if he wanted to hang out with Denny at the mall today, and Buck had instantly said yes. Becca and Mike were tagging along. He brought Chris along and saw that May and Harry were hanging out at the table where they were meeting. He almost stopped when he saw Hen, but he nodded and gave his greetings nonetheless. After everyone got there, they disappeared around various stores, Buck carrying Chris when he got too tired and May tagging along with him.

“Hey Buck, do you mind if I make a fast stop in here?” May points to the _Hot Topic _store and Buck nods as he sits on the table outside the store. Chris sits on the bench next to him and looks around. Becca and Mike come back with Auntie Anne’s cup of pretzels and everyone grabs from the cup.

“Here you go kiddo” Becca says as he hands Chris a small cup.

“What is it?”

“Frozen lemonade…try it” Chris nods and slowly sips through the straw. Becca smiles when Chris’ face lights up when the taste hits his tongue. He sips faster but Mike places his hand over the cup.

“Careful little dude, you drink too fast you’re going to get an ice cream headache…you don’t want to learn that the hard way” Mike nods and everyone at the table laughs. After a little, May comes out and points to the Forever 21 store next door and Buck waves her off. They throw their trash away and Becca and Mike come to where Buck is.

“We’re going to go to Spencers,” Mike says already beginning to walk there.

“Yea I need a new-“ Buck cups his hands over Christopher’s ears.

“There are children present”

“I need some new industrial earrings…get your head out of the gutter” Becca smirks and takes her leave.

“Buck? Can I go there?” Buck sees that Chris is pointing to a train ride that will take kids around some tracks. It’s not a very big track, but it still looks fun for a little kid.

“Sure, let’s go see” Buck gets up and they walk to the attendant.

“Hi there, how much for one kid?”

“Five dollars sir” is the response and Buck nods as he hands the cashier five dollars. Chris cheers and the attendant opens the gate for Chris to enter. There is a line of kids and there is the conductor and an assistant to help the kids if necessary. When they start to get on the train, the conductor stops Chris.

“Hey, there little guy. You look like a responsible kid, do you want to help me ring the bell?

“Yes! Yes!” Chris lights up at this and Buck laughs from where he is laughing. He takes out his phone to record Chris when the train starts going around the tracks. He sits in the waiting area and feels a familiar presence next to him. He turns and sees Hen watching the train.

“I remember when Denny used to able to ride those…now he’s too big” Hen says sadly.

“Hen are you sad?” Buck asks, and Hen laughs a little.

“I just miss how small he was…I want another”

“I think you’re asking the wrong person Hen” And she lets out a laugh.

“Relax Buck. I haven’t told the others about this yet but Karen and I have been thinking about adoption…”

“Really?” Buck asks, surprised.

“Karen can’t carry…and I don’t want to…so we decided on fostering…then adoption” Hen says, a proud smile on her face and he smiles at this.

“Hen that’s amazing! Congrats” Buck says sincerely and Hen beams at this.

“Thanks, Buck. We had an appointment last week. Let’s hope they clear us”

“They’re going to love you three Hen. When they see how good of a family you are to Denny, then they’ll have to clear you”

“I hope so…when that day comes. I hope they’re old enough to meet their uncle Buck and know how great of a guy he is” Hen said and Buck hates that he tears up over a simple sentence.

“T-thanks Hen” he says and she smiles, brings her arm up and he gives her a side hug.

“I know I’ve said it…but thank you for what you did for my family. The lawsuit was just a cover-up, and I hate that you didn’t trust me to talk to me…but that was on me Buck. That wasn’t on you. I promise to be better for you now ok?” Hen says sincerely and Buck can’t help but believe her.

“I know Hen…and I was never really mad at you or Chim. You two weren’t awful to me or anything…”

“But we might as well have been…we didn’t stand up for you. Buck, Chim and I know…more than anything what it is like like to be cast out and ostracized by a team…and I’m so sorry that you had to experience that…because no one should have to”

“Thanks, Hen…” Buck says and looks when Chris rings the bell fast. The train comes to a stop and kids start coming out of the cars. The assistant hands Chris his crutches and he heads back to where Buck.

“Did you have fun?” Buck asks and Chris smiles.

“Yea!” The conductor comes over to where they are.

“Great job kid. Here, just for you” they take off their hat and place it on Chris. Hen snaps multiple pics of Chris smiling at the hat that’s too big for him. But he doesn’t take it off for the rest of the day. Everyone meets up in the food court and Karen is charged with taking Denny and Chris home for their sleepover while May drives Harry back home. Buck hugs Chris and Denny goodbye and all that’s left is Hen, Buck, Becca, and Mike.

“Well this has been fun, but we have to get to work,” Becca says pointing to everyone minus Hen.

“I have the day off but I’ll see-“ whatever Hen is about to say next is interrupted by an explosion not 100ft from them. Everyone instantly gets down and wait for the ringing in their eyes to stop. They look up and make sure everyone’s there.

“We gotta go make sure people are ok” Mike says and they nod. Looking around they see people calling 9-1-1. Mike helps Becca and they are about to go to assess the situation but is stopped when they hear Buck. He’s kneeling on the ground, his hands still over his ears, mumbling something incoherent.

“I think he’s having a panic attack” Becca says, looking torn at wanting to do her job, but not wanting to leave Buck like this.

“I got him…you go” Hen doesn’t hesitate to stay, and after a second debate, they both nod and run to the crowd. Hen looks down to where Buck is. She can see that some people are staring at him.

“Buck, I’m going to grab your shoulders and I’m going to bring you behind a car away from prying eyes ok?” Hen says before grabbing Buck’s arms, pulling him up and behind a car.

“They took it…it’s gone…it’s gone…it’s gone…they took it!” Buck says and Hen knows what’s happening. Buck hits his fist into the ground once and Hen places her palm under his fist so he wouldn’t hurt it. When it makes contact, Hen grabs his hand.

“Buck…you aren’t under the truck, your leg is still with you. Tell me what you see, hear and feel” Buck takes a breath and looks up, blinking.

“I-I see a crowd…smoke…and a firetruck. I hear…sirens and commotion. I feel…your hand in mine, and the hot pavement” Hen squeezes his hand after this.

“Good…that’s good Buck.” Hen encourages grabbing his free hand on placing it on his leg. “You feel that? That’s your leg, you still have it”

“W-what happened?” Buck asks looking up, his eyes clear and more put together than a few moments ago.

“There was an explosion…you had a flashback. You with me again?” Hen asks and Buck nods. Wiping his eyes, not of tears but of the debris in the air.

“We have to help…” Buck says trying to get up but Hen stops him. “Becca texted me saying a propane tank on someone’s car exploded. No one was hurt, and look, they already have the fire put out” Hen points to the firefighters beginning to clean up. Becca and Mike come back and kneel in front of Buck.

“You ok hun?” Becca asks and Buck nods.

“Yea…yea I’m good. Hen was here” Buck looked over and smiled gratefully at Hen.

“Thanks Hen…” Buck says and she smiles back.

“Anytime Buck. Does anyone need a ride anywhere?”

Everyone piles into Hen’s car and she drops Becca and Mike off at the station before driving Buck back home.

“Um Hen?” Buck speaks up when they are at a stoplight.

“Yea?”

“I know things are a little tense between us…but thanks a bunch for today…”

“It’s the least I can do…but if you ever need anything, you can let me know ok? I’m here for you Buck”

“Thanks Hen”

{~}{~}

It wasn’t the weirdest call he’s ever been on, but it is on the list now. The 99 had been called to a factory explosion, but when they got there, there was no fire…just a sea of white.

“What is it?” Asks someone from behind Buck as they enter the building. Buck spots people running from a room. The team makes their way inside and they see stop when they see people moaning. Struggling to get up off the ground, others to get the white stickiness off of them. Buck takes his gloves hand and scoops a pile-up off the ground. It sticks to his gloves and he smells it.

“It smells like…sugar? I’m gonna taste it”

“NO!” Becca, Mike, and Stephie yell but Buck already puts the white substance in his mouth. “It’s…marshmallows?” Buck asks surprised and someone calls to them.

“I didn’t know who to call! We were just giving some tours when the unit holding the marshmallow burst” Someone yells from the back.

“Is anyone here hurt?” Stephie asks in a loud voice and everyone responds no.

“Not hurt…just very uncomfortable” someone says on the ground.

“What can we do to dissolve this?” Stephie asks then everyone begins to think.

“Vinegar can dissolve this!” Buck says and Stephie nods. One of the workers goes and brings back some vinegar to clean up.

“Ok, this is going to stink, but everyone can go home and shower after this” Buck says as they put on their masks and begin pouring vinegar all over the floor and soon the white substance was reduced enough for maintenance and other workers began to clean up. Once everyone is cleaned up, Buck begins to pack away his gear when he feels someone behind him. He turns around and comes face to face with Chim, who is covered in melted marshmallows.

“Chim?!” Buck asks surprised.

“Hey Buck”

“What happened to you?”

“I was here to get Maddie’s some of her favorite treats and when I heard creaking from the machines I went to check it out. Then before I knew it, the containers burst like a soda can with too much pressure and I got the brunt of it” Chim says and Buck simply stares at him before giggling. Which turns into full-on laughter. Buck grabs his sides when he can’t stop laughing, and he laughs harder when Chim starts to laugh too.

“You’re all sticky!” Buck points and laughs. Chim gives him a bemused smile before surprising Buck by tackling him to the ground.

“Ah Chim!” Buck yells when Chim gets marshmallows all over him. But he can’t stay mad at him. Chim gathers some of the white goo from his pants and throws it at Buck, hitting him square in the face. Buck falls over in laughter, and can’t stop until Stephie comes over to break it up. Becca and Mike come over to clean Chim and Buck up.

“Buck, as much as we love you. You stink, so go home and shower” Stephie orders and they both laugh.

“My place is not a ten-minute walk from here. Want to shower at my place? I can text Maddie to bring you some spare clothes if you want to that is?” Chim offers, knowing that this is the first time they’ve spoken since the party. But he feels a little relief when Buck nods yes.

“Sure sounds good” Buck bids farewell to his station and begins the walk to Chim’s place as he texts Maddie.

“So…how are things?” Chim asks and Buck can see how hard he’s trying. It’s a little awkward to be honest.

“Good…things are good…you and Maddie?”

“Well we just had se-“

“Do not finish that sentence or I will push you straight into traffic!” Buck says holding a hand up to Chim’s face to silence him. But Buck lets out a laugh nonetheless, and so does Chim.

“Well…we’ve been talking about…a lot. Mostly about my actions before the party” Buck knows what he’s referring to. “And I told her that I do regret my actions, but then I realized that I still haven’t told you. So-“ Chim stops walking in front when they reach his place.

“My actions after the lawsuit were unbecoming of me…and looking back, I’m ashamed of the person I was then. You don’t have to forgive me…but I’m sorry Buck, for everything” Chim says, standing straight and looking Buck in the eyes. His eyes widen at this, not really expecting this maturity coming from Chim, but after mulling the words over for a while, he nods.

“Thanks Chim, I appreciate it…a lot actually. Y-you weren’t awful to me like some of the other people were, so it is a little easier to forgive you”

“I know Hen told you but Buck, we know what it’s like to be alone, and I’m sorry I made you experience that. I’ll make it up to you somehow, if you’ll allow me?” Chim asks in hesitation, knowing full well that Buck can say no. He won’t take offense if he says no.

“Ok…you don’t need to do much. You’re still dating Maddie, and you’re good for her. I’m really happy she has you” Buck says, giving him a genuine smile, Chim returns it. He squeezes Buck’s bicep and unlocks the door to his apartment.

“Maddie said she’ll be here in 5 minutes so you can have the first shower” Buck gives a thumbs up and goes to the bathroom. Chim hears a knock at the door and sees Maddie on the other side.

“Oh my God…” Maddie says in a voice of disbelief and slight amusement. Chim nods and goes in for a kiss but stops when Maddie holds a hand up. “Chim, I want to kiss you, but not with all of…that on you” Maddie says and Chim rolls his eyes but nods.

“Buck is taking a shower, he should be out soon”

“Did you two talk?”

“Yea…I think we might have a shot at being friends again”

“I’m really glad” and Chim knows she means it.

{~}{~}

Buck was surprised to get a message from Bobby. Well, first he got the message from Harry, then May, and then. Denny told him in person, but he was still surprised to get the message from Bobby. He was going to be hosting a cooking class for the kids of the 118 and Buck was invited to come. Buck was sitting in his apartment, just thinking about what he could say. He does want to be there because he loves the kids, but Bobby is going to be there. But that should not be the main reason he doesn’t want to go. He keeps thinking and mulling it over before he hears someone enter his place.

He looks up to see Becca and Mike placing take out containers on the kitchen island. Lost in their conversation, Buck turns back to stare at the blank TV, trying to decide on what to do. Becca and Mike see Buck in deep thought and they fix him a plate of food before traveling to the living room. They set the plate on the table and waited until Buck said something.

“You ok in there Buck?” Becca asks after a little while and Buck shakes his head. He shows them the text message after a moment and they nod in understanding.

“So what are you thinking?” Asks Mike and Buck explain what’s going on in his head. They eat but they are still listening to what he is saying.

“And I feel that if I go…then maybe he’ll want to talk to me about how things went down back at the 118…and I don’t know what to do if he says anything” Buck says, finally picking up his plate and eating it’s contents.

“What is it you want Buck?” Becca asks in a voice that encourages thinking.

“Well…I don’t want to be mad anymore…I hate being angry at people…I mean we’ve seen what anger can do to a person. I do want to talk to him, but I just don’t know what to say to him”

“I know that Christopher kid you love is going, maybe just go for him? And if Bobby talks, then you talk. But don’t stress out too much if you don’t. At least you know there’s this olive branch” Becca states, sipping on her lemonade/

“Do you want us to come with you for support?” Mike asks, getting some seconds.

“As much as I love you two, I think this is something I have to do alone”

“We understand hun, but you know we’ve got your back”

“I know”

{~}{~}

Buck takes a breath and knocks on the door of the Grant-Nash household. He waits until he hears the doorknob open slowly. He looks straight, expecting to see Bobby, but instead finds Christopher.

“Hi Buck!” Chris says happily, Buck returns the smile and picks up him, closing the door behind him.

“Hey buddy. Didn’t your dad ever tell you about opening doors to strangers”

“But your not a stranger…besides Aunt Ath-thena is here, so we’re safe” Chris says with so much ease, it has Buck smiling and chuckling. May, Harry, and Denny are in the living room and he sets Chris down on the beanbag. He smiles and laughs as every one of the kids says hi to him. He looks over to the side and sees Athena talking to Bobby in the kitchen. He takes a breath before walking into the kitchen.

“Hey you two. Thanks for having me here today” Buck then presents his same gift as last time, sparkling grape juice. “Don’t know what Bobby has in mind to cook, but anything goes good with this” He pulls out about 4 bottles and places them on the counter.

“This is perfect Buck. Thanks hun” Athena says, coming around the counter and giving Buck a strong hug. She grabs the bottles to put them in the fridge, leaving him alone with Bobby. Buck wishes it wasn’t this awkward, he muses when there were no awkward moments between him and Bobby. He looks up at Bobby and points to the living room.

“I’m going to go hang with them,” Buck says, hoping that this will stop the lingering awkwardness.

“Buck wait!” Bobby says suddenly and Buck stops to look back. Bobby can see May leaning over to watch them. “Um…I kinda need some help preparing some ingredients. Want to help me?” Buck blinks at this question, not really expecting this, but he nods nonetheless. Buck follows Bobby back into the kitchen and he sees various ingredients.

“Do you think you can mince these mushrooms?” Bobby asks holding out the bowl, Buck nods and takes it.

“Are they washed yet?” Buck asks and Bobby nods. Buck begins to cut the mushrooms individually before moving on to mincing. Once he’s done, he slides them back into their bowl and starts on the next bowl that Bobby slides over.

“Oh no…”

“What?”

“I hate mincing onions…they always make me tear up” Buck says as he grabs the first onion.

“I know what you mean Buck. A little advice?” Bobby asks hesitantly and Buck nods after a moment. Buck follows Bobby as he walks around the kitchen. “It took me a while to learn this but did you know that if you put an onion in the freezer for a while, then peel it in ice water, it won’t make you cry?” Bobby then showed him what he just said. “Here try it” Bobby hands him an onion and Buck does what Bobby did. After the onions were minced, Buck washed his hands impressed.

“Wow that’s so cool!” Buck said excitedly, and Bobby smiles at this.

“Good job Buck. I’m proud of you” Bobby says without thinking and this has Buck halting his movements.

“What?” Buck asks after a moment and Bobby then realizes what he said. But he is going to stick to his guns.

“I said I’m proud of you” Bobby looks Buck in his eyes before he calls everyone to make sure that he knows it. Buck hates the feelings of hope rising in his chest. All of the kids and young adults come into the kitchen and sit at the table to watch. Bobby instructs them on how to properly sauté, season, and cook the food. Buck helps where he can and he laughs when Bobby makes jokes. After the demonstration for the guests, they all end up eating the food that Bobby and Buck cooked. It was delicious as usual, and as much as he hates to admit it, he missed Bobby’s food. May then says that there are games outside and everyone makes their way outside. Athena goes outside, but not before giving Bobby a look.

Bobby takes a breath before he turns to address Buck, who is in the kitchen, picking up plates and starting to clean up.

“Buck you don’t have to do that. You’re a guest” Bobby says and Buck gives a smile of disbelief.

“Yea but every time I’m a guest here, something bad happens” Buck says and Bobby stops when he realizes that it’s true. The first time, it was the embolism, then it was when Bobby told him the truth, and then last time Buck was here, he had a panic attack and told everyone about his past. It was a miracle that Buck even wanted to come at all.

“Buck…I-“

“It’s fine Bobby…you don’t need to say anything” Buck says after placing all of the dishes in the sink. He goes outside to sit at the table, out looking the garden and the kids playing. He sighs as he is away from the kids that are too busy playing to see what is going on. Athena is watching Buck from the other side of the yard, nursing a glass of wine and nods as Bobby hesitantly comes out to sit with Buck. Athena hopes that her husband makes up with Buck.

“How are things at the 99?” Bobby asks, hoping that this can ease into a conversation.

“They’re great. I love working with them” Buck says with a genuine smile and Bobby nods and pushes the jealousy in his gut down. He has no right to feel this way when he was never there for Buck in the first place.

“That’s good” Bobby says and they lapse into another awkward silence. It was clear that Bobby was more bothered by it than Buck. He was content enough to just watch the kids play and the nice weather wash over him.

“Buck I’m sorry” Bobby says suddenly, not being able to take the silence anymore.

“A lot of people seem to be sorry nowadays” Buck said not turning around. This is going to be harder than he thought…

“Buck I-“

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you invite me here?” Buck asks, finally turning around to look at Bobby.

“I…just wanted to talk. But I get it if you aren’t ready…” Bobby stops, not knowing how to continue. He looks up at Buck and he shrugs. “I went about things the wrong way, and I know that it was the wrong thing to do. I should have just taken you aside and talked to you face to face”

“Yea you should have. I’m an adult Bobby, you think I couldn’t handle it could you? You thought I was weak…” Buck shakes his head in self-loathing.

“Buck I didn’t tell you because I thought you were weak…it’s because I was. There are nights when I wake up and I still see you under that truck. Sometimes Freddie blows up with you right next to him…and when I wake up it’s the same. It was all because of me, he wanted me. He thought that I was on that truck, and you suffered the consequences. I’m sorry”

“You can’t change the past…but I suppose neither can I. I’m sorry about the lawsuit-“

“You did it to protect us Buck…and we didn’t see that. And I’m sorry that it was Saleha that showed us. And I’m sorry that I transferred you without talking to you-“

“Transferring me was the best thing that could have happened to me since…everything. I needed time away from the 118. During the lawsuit and after…I realized something. That I became too dependent on work, I had no one outside of work. I didn’t have anyone to go home to, you became my family…then when you said you were the one that was holding me back. I-it triggered something from my childhood, that I’m still not over”

“What is it? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to”

“Maddie knew that Doug wasn’t a good person, and planned to break up with him. But our father said that she wouldn’t be allowed back in the house if she did that. Everyone in our town loved our father, one word and Maddie wouldn’t have anyone, so she didn’t have a choice. My father took the only family I ever loved away from me. He left her…then he did the same to me. He tossed us away like we were nothing…and for the longest time…I believed him. That I was nothing” Buck brings his legs to rest in the chair. He buries his face in his legs, trying to hide from everything. That’s when he feels a presence next to him. He knows it’s Bobby, who hesitantly puts a hand on his shoulder. Buck hated that he found comfort in hit, and even more that he was leaning into Bobby.

“I know this wasn’t easy for you to tell me, so thank you for trusting me enough to tell me”

“When you told me that _you _were the reason I wasn’t coming back. It brought up a lot of memories that I wasn’t ready to deal with. So I lashed out in the worst way”

“I wish it was different. I wished I just told you the truth” Buck nods but doesn’t offer anything for a moment.

“What was the truth?” Buck asks and Bobby has to take a breath.

“The truth is that…when the chief told me you were ready to come back, I panicked, because I didn’t want to lose you so fast again. Buck, I told you that the 118 isn’t a family…and for the longest time, it wasn’t. But it wasn’t until you came in. You were exactly what we needed, and even after chewing you out, you were there when I relapsed. You encouraged me to ask for help when I needed it and because of that…I found a family in the 118, and with Athena. So thank you for making that happen” Bobby says, squeezing his shoulders.. “I see you as a son” He adds, wanting there to be no secrets between them. Buck doesn’t say anything for a while, but Bobby can see his eyes getting shiny

“That means a lot Bobby…and the truth is I do see you as a father figure…”

“But?”

“…but when that happened, I got so confused”

“What do you mean?”

“You reminded me of my father…and I know that you and my dad are _nothing _alike”

“But?”

“…but _you_ had an addiction to drugs and _you_ had a problem with alcohol. But I know it isn't your fault. Addiction is a disease, I mean I saw it every day with my dad…but when I think about it, I remember that you changed. You changed for the better. My dad didn’t…and he will never will” Buck says and he wipes the stray tears off his face.

“I know you couldn’t possibly be like him…but something in the back of my mind told me it was all a lie. And that I trusted the wrong person again” Bobby is at a loss for words, he finds himself unable to stop his heart from squeezing in pain. It’s true that he did have a problem with addiction, but as Buck said, he overcame it.

“The only reason I overcame my addiction after my relapse was because of you…”

“How?”

“When Hen and you were there…it reminded me of what I had to lose. I couldn’t lose you guys, I found a family in you. And Buck” Bobby unravels himself before turning to face Buck. “Buck, if you’ll let me, I promise to be someone you can rely on. I can be your family, we all can” Bobby gestures to Harry and Chris playing giant checkers while May and Denny are playing ping pong. Buck’s walls break at this and he finds himself sobbing softly in his hands. Bobby brings him in for a hug and Buck leans into it. After a moment, he pulls back.

“Bobby thank you…it’ll be hard to trust you fully again…but I think we’ll be ok. We’ll be ok in time” Buck says, giving Bobby a smile.

“Hey Bobby...did you know that onions contain naturally occurring amino acids called sulfoxides, and when you cut into them, they mix into a gas that wafts into your eyes? That's why we naturally cry when we cut onions” Buck says and Bobby shakes his head.

“I did not know that. Fun food fact”

_Time heals all wounds…isn’t that the saying?_

{~}{~}

_They were covering the tsunami _

Eddie had seen on the news and he immediately went into a panic because of what happened last time. But before it can turn into a full-blown panic attack, he can hear the sound of his son’s crutches coming from down the hall. He sees Christopher’s eyes widen at the news and he wants to kick himself for not turning it off. He feels a tug on his sleeve and sees Chris looking up at him and Eddie instantly picks him up and holds him close.

“Don’t worry Christopher, you’re ok” Eddie says as he buries his nose into his hair, reassuring himself that his son is safe.

“I know dad. Buck would keep me safe…” Eddie can sense the sadness in his voice. It had been about a month since Eddie himself had seen Buck, but only a day since Chris had seen him. After Buck’s reveal and backstory, Mike and Becca had pulled Buck outside to calm him and he hasn’t seen him since. He knows Buck is physically ok because he sees his Instagram updates that have videos from Christopher playing to selfies at his station.

Every time Eddie had tried to reach out, he was met by silence or resistance. But he understands, he had been nothing but cruel to Buck during the whole lawsuit affair. And even after Saleha came by to explain the situation, Eddie hadn’t immediately reached out. He had so many opportunities to apologize but he was too much of a coward to say anything.

_And now it might be too late_

Eddie has come to accept the fact that he is in love with Buck. Even before Shannon came back, Eddie had begun to see what an amazing man Evan Buckley is and he wanted to get to know him more. But when Shannon came back, he buried that part of himself for the sake of his son, but he knew that it would never work out. And then she died and he was grieving. Buck was there for him every night but then the truck happened. Eddie wished he could go back in time to be there for Buck but he was too caught up in his mind to help him. And then the embolism, tsunami and finally the lawsuit. Through it all, Eddie never had a moment to breathe and address his feelings. And he held it in until it exploded, in every way possible.

And his best friend had paid the price for it.

As Eddie spiraled deeper and deeper into these thoughts, his son brought him back to reality.

“Dad?” Eddie blinks and looks at his son. “Can we go see Buck today? I’m not scared but he might be…” Christopher says in a small voice and Eddie knows that he wants to see his Buck.

“Let me see if he’s free ok?” Chris nods as he puts his head back on Eddie’s shoulder. He pulls out his phone and sends Buck a text message. He hears a ding not a minute later and he sees Buck has responded.

**Eddie: _Hey Buck, did you see the news? Christopher wants to come to see you if you’re free that is_**

**Buck: _I just saw it. Yea bring him over. I honestly need to see him too_**

**Eddie: _Give us 30 minutes to pick up some food and we’ll be there_**

Buck responded with a thumbs-up emoji and not a half-hour later, the Diaz boys are waiting for Buck to open the door. When he does, Christopher immediately goes to his legs and wraps his arms around one of them. Buck coaxes him to let go and when he does, Buck picks him up and holds him close. Christopher struggles to get closer to Buck because of his glasses and Eddie takes them gently off of his face after he puts the bag of takeout on the kitchen island. Eddie ruffles Christopher’s curls after he snuggles deeper into Buck’s neck.

“It’s ok buddy, I got you. I’ll keep you safe…I promise” Christopher tightens his hold as best he can. Buck carries him to the kitchen counter and sits him on the top. Christopher hesitantly lets go and Buck holds his head in his hands.

“The water isn’t here bud, it’s ok” Christopher nods as Buck kisses his forehead. Eddie watches from the fridge and feels his eyes watering. His wishes with everything that he has that he can go hug the two people most important to him. He almost lost both of them that day, and he still can’t let go of that thought. Buck and his son are two of the most important people in his life, and he took one of them for granted.

Seeming to sense his inner turmoil, Buck looks to the side and makes eye contact with Eddie, and it has him freezing. This is the first time since the party that Buck has even looked at him. He sends a hesitant smile and can see that Buck is silently thanking him. Eddie nods and feels his heart beat a little after when Buck extends his arm out towards him. Eddie doesn’t hesitate to go over and embrace his boys. He instantly kisses Christopher’s head as he puts his arm on Buck’s upper back. They stand there, holding each other and it feels like home to all three of them.

{~}{~}

After they pulled away, Christopher says he wants to watch the Steven Universe movie while eating. After fixing their plates, they are in the middle of the movie when Eddie feels the need to look over at Buck. He nearly gasps when he sees Buck staring at the TV and is tearing up. He looks back at the movie to pay attention to what has Buck so upset.

_ **You keep on turning pages for people who don't care ** _

** _People who don't care about you _ **

** _And still, it takes you ages to see that no one's there _ **

** _See that no one's there _ **

** _See that no one's there _ **

** _Everyone's gone on without you_ **

Buck shutters quietly at this and leans back into the couch and it hits Eddie right then and right there what Buck has been feeling. Oh, how could he be so blind and stupid? He looks back to Buck and sees his staring off with tears running down his face. Eddie hesitantly puts his arm around his shoulders and could cry in relief when Buck leans into him.

“I’m sorry…” Eddie whispers after a few moments.

“For what?”

“…Everything…for leaving you behind, for not listening to your side of things, for not talking to you sooner-“ Eddie’s voice breaks off and it startles Buck to see him like this. The only time Eddie has ever cried in front of him was when Shannon died and after calls, so seeing him cry unprovoked is…strange to say the least. Buck looks at Christopher and sees him too engrossed in the movie to know what’s going on behind him.

“Hey Chris, we’ll be in the kitchen ok?” Chris simply waves his hand in acknowledgment and Eddie finds himself in Buck’s kitchen, nursing a beer and leaning against the sink. Buck is leaning on the island in front of him and he hates how awkward this is. He misses when things weren’t so awkward between them, he misses the way things used to be with them, but the way they are now is his own fault.

“I’m sorry…” Buck says, cutting the tension with his words and it has Eddie looking up in confusion.

“Buck I’m the one who should be sorry. We, the team I mean, I-y” Eddie sighs in frustration at his inability to produce a sentence. “With Lena, we didn’t mean to replace you. We didn’t think it would matter, but it did matter. And I’m so sorry for not speaking up. It’s not like we had any empty lockers or spaces, but we didn’t think you’d mind”

“Normally I wouldn’t have…but I hadn’t seen you all in such a long time at the station and when I walked in and I saw that…it blindsided me. And all the insecurities of being not good enough just came back to me…and I think some of that manifested into what caused me to sue. B-but I didn’t mean for it to go so far, and I didn’t mean to put you guys in an uncomfortable spot and-“ Buck’s voice breaks and he brings his hands up to wipe his eyes and he finds himself sliding down to the floor.

He hides his face in his hands and stops when he feels arms around him. Eddie knelt down in front of him and brought him in for a hug. Buck stops and Eddie begins to run his hand in circles on his back in a comforting gesture.

“I’m so sorry I did this to us…” says Eddie in a hushed voice and it breaks Buck completely. All of the emotions that he had been feeling for the past 4 months are bubbling to the surface. He’s crying so hard that it hurts him, he tries to stop by holding his breath, but Eddie is quick to stop him.

“No don’t do that…don’t hold your breath.”

“I have to…” Buck hiccups as more cries come out of him.

“Why?”

“I have to suck it up…” Buck says lowly but Eddie hears it all the same and it has him freeze.

“Buck…” he senses the mood change and when Eddie stops his movements, Buck takes the opportunity to gently pull out of his hold and get up from where he is and tries to make his way back to the living room, but a hand on his wrist stops him.

“Buck…I never should have said that. I’m sorry…I wasn’t thinking that day, I had just been bailed out of jail and I was still so pissed about that guy in the parking lot and how he insulted my son. Then when I saw you I was so relieved that you dropped the lawsuit, but I was still so mad…and I reacted in the worst way. I know what happened between us can’t be fixed, but for what it’s worth. I’m sorry…” Eddie says squeezing his wrist before letting go. Ready to give Buck his space, but then he is stopped when Buck speaks up.

“I’m willing to try if you are Eddie,” Buck says after a second and when he looks up at Eddie, he can see the turmoil and sadness but glimmers of hope in Buck’s eyes. Eddie slowly brings his arms up and when Buck nods, he wraps them around Buck and pulls him close. Eddie buries his face in Buck’s shoulder.

“I love you…and I’m sorry I hurt you” Eddie says, melting when Buck returns the hug after a moment.

“Love you too…it might take a while for me to let my guard down around you Eddie…I don’t want that but-“ Buck is cut off when Eddie pulls him further into the kitchen. He turns and puts Buck against the wall and stops. Just holds him against the wall and Buck can’t help but feel safe.

“It’s ok Buck, you take all the time you need”

“I still have nightmares…sometimes, so I might not be the easiest to deal with. I understand if you-“ Buck is cut off again when Eddie’s lips meet his. It takes him a moment, but he kisses back. Just as soon as it happened, Eddie pulled away.

“I love you…every single part of you. And I can deal with the nightmares and whatever else you think I can’t handle. Because under all of the night terrors, anxiety, and fear, you’re still the same Buck that loves my son as much as I do.” Eddie said and Buck tears up at this. He closes his eyes and finds Eddie’s lips blindly. Buck squeezes Eddie tighter and pulls him closer to him.

“Let’s go back to Chris ok?” Eddie says breaking away from Buck. He leads him back to the living room, not letting go of his hand for a moment. Eddie sits Buck on the couch, letting go of their hands for a second, but to grab the blanket in the basket next to the couch and covers their laps with it. After Eddie sits, Buck tucks his legs under him and leans himself against Eddie’s side. Eddie wraps his arm around his shoulder and brings him closer. Finding his hand under the blanket and holding it.

“Do you think Becca and Mike might kill me if they find out we’re together now?” Eddie asks and it makes Buck give an honest laugh. It feels so good to laugh again with Eddie.

“I’ll talk to them…they’ll support me in whatever…but they might give you the shovel talk first” Buck says and Eddie snorts at this.

“I can handle it…anything to show them that I’m in it for the long run now” Eddie says as he kisses the top of Buck’s head. Buck stills at this, knowing that Eddie would show his two best friends and protectors how much he means to him.

“Do you think one day you’ll ever come back to the 118? No pressure, just honestly wondering”

“I-I um…”

“It wasn’t a question to trick you amor, I was just generally curious. Because no matter what I’ll support you. I just want you to be somewhere where you’ll be comfortable and where you feel safe” Buck tears up at this because he never expected this from Eddie. But he should have figured that Eddie would be understanding after their talk. Buck cuddles closer into Eddie’s side.

“I think maybe one day…just not now. And when I do come back, I want Becca and Mike to come with me”

“I’m sure when that day comes, Bobby will understand. Just…”

“What?”

“…Can I come to visit sometimes?”

“Always” Buck smiles at this, knowing that Eddie has his back no matter his decision.

“I love you…” Buck says, barely paying attention to what is on the TV.

“I love you” Eddie responds, placing a kiss into Buck’s hair again. Knowing more will be exchanged in time.

_ **Today, right here, right now ** _

** _We’ll love again _ **

** _We’ve already found someone_ **

* * *

Holy shiitake 151 days since last updated?! But we did it yall, this story is finally done!

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!

Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://chitownwolf.tumblr.com/)!


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